For those who missed our live coverage of Wednesday’s iPad event, here is a transcript:
9:22AM Hi everyone. Roland Greenfellow here again for Scoopertino. Thanks for joining us for our live coverage of the iPad 3 event. I’ve just arrived at the Yerba Buena center. Give me a second to pay off Apple’s security team.
9:39AM Lots of excitement on the street. But I have to admit, I don’t get the whole llama thing.
9:49AM The security guy just slipped me my badge. Wish it could have been more subtle.
10:01AM Tim Cook walks onto the stage! Looking good, air of confidence.
9:02AM Tim’s doing the update. More Apple Stores, selling tons of products, ruling Wall Street, blah blah.
9:03AM Tim: “The bottom line, and the one thing everyone should remember — we’re obscenely rich.”
9:04AM Huge “$100 BILLION” graphic on screen. And now … what’s this? Oh lord no. You HAVE to be kidding.
9:05AM No way!!! $5,000 under every seat in the auditorium!!! Damn, I love this company. Tim says he just pissed away $2.5 million to make a point — Apple is so rich, money doesn’t matter. In fact, he’s considering putting $5K in every iPad box, just to get rid of some of it.
9:21AM Now a sober moment about factory conditions in China. Apple takes these things seriously. Starting today, Apple’s HappyApp is free for all Chinese factory workers.
9:15AM On with the show. Tim is proud because he personally came up with the theme that will run throughout today’s presentation.
10:03AM Damn, I fell asleep. Sorry. I think I missed a bunch of stuff about the new iPad. Higher-res screen, faster processor, yada, yada. You can see that online.
10:05AM Some developers just shared their new games. Pretty cool. Last presenter … RUSH LIMBAUGH??
10:06AM Rush has developed a brand new app: Slut Detector HD. Totally amazing. Using an algorithm only Rush can understand, it scans your entire iPhoto library to indicate which of your friends might use birth control or act in other unsavory ways.
10:08AM Guess that’s it. Tim is wrapping things up now.
10:09AM OMG hold on! Tim says “One more thing”!!!
10:06AM The new iPad isn’t the only news. He says some people have been asking for a smaller model. Will this be the 7-incher??
10:07AM Guess not. “Screw them,” he says. When others zig, Apple zags. Something’s moving in from off stage…
10:09AM Holy cow! It’s a monster! It’s called iPad Pro. The screen measures 4.3 feet and it takes two people to carry it. Ships with two free sets of moving straps.
10:15AM One cool app for iPad Pro: DanceMat — you actually dance on the screen. Also a hardware option called iCrane — a hydraulic lift for moving iPad Pro in and out of a car.
10:22AM Okay, that must be it. Tim is wrapping up again. But wait. Looks like one more “one more thing.” They’re setting up for a musical number to end the show.
10:23AM Oh wait. It’s not just music. It’s music and dance — featuring Tim and Phil. Chicken Dance! Steve Jobs was right — the talent in this company is incredibly deep.
10:36AM Show’s over. I’ll tell you, that last number really drained the audience.
Thanks for following the event with me today. Signing off from Yerba Buena Center. See you at the next Apple event.