BREAKING NEWS: Steve Jobs announces bid for the presidency

Cupertino, CA — Steve Jobs put an end to the speculation Friday by throwing his hat into the presidential ring. He will run as an independent.

At Jobs2012.com, Steve describes the type of changes he would champion.

For starters, he promises to bring true transparency to the executive branch — by replacing the White House with the Glass House.

Addressing the economy, Steve pinpoints the source of our financial woes: badly designed currency. He pledges to stimulate the economy by having his Designer-in-Chief Jonathan Ive create currency we’ll be proud to spend.

On the site, Mr. Ive returns the love by endorsing Steve’s candidacy in a video entitled Redesigning America.

At his press conference, Steve promised his followers that he will update Jobs2012.com frequently, addressing the challenges facing our nation and the world.

Jubilation spread throughout California as word of Jobs’ decision spread. However, reactions elsewhere have been mixed.

Presidential press secretary Jay Carney was dismissive of Jobs’ desire to take Obama’s job. “There’s a big difference between launching an iPad and launching a Tomahawk missile,” he said.

Rush Limbaugh was visibly torn. The Apple-fan side of him is truly excited to see such a brilliant creative person run for the office. The ignorant, blithering, liberal-hating side of him hopes to see Steve painfully crushed at the polls and driven into exile.

Upon hearing of Steve’s leap into politics, Microsoft founder (and frequent borrower of Apple ideas) Bill Gates could only say, “Hey, I think I’ll try that too.”

Sarah Palin sees Steve’s candidacy as more of an amusement. “I think it’s God’s will that Mr. Jobs stick with making his gadgets and YouTunes and such,” she said, “and leave the hard work of running the good ol’ U.S. of A. to us professionals.”

See White House out, Glass House in.
See Pretty money, gorgeous economy.
See Jony Ive video, Redesigning America.