Apple adds “Magic Rating” across entire product line

Cupertino, CA — There’s magic in the air at Apple. Lots and lots of magic.

In fact, with Apple beating the word  “magic” to death in press releases, web videos and ads, research shows that customers are getting confused.

It’s become increasingly difficult to tell which products are magical, and which are merely astoundingly, amazingly great.

No more guessing when it comes to magic — Apple’s new Magic Rating tells it like it is

Leave it to Apple to make things simple for us.

Starting today, all Apple products will carry an official Magic Rating — so customers can tell at a glance just how much magic they can expect from their Apple purchase. The Magic Rating ranges from one to ten, and is clearly displayed in a graphic sticker on every computer and device.

Unsurprisingly, iPad and MacBook Air lead the pack with a perfect 10. But, as the new ratings reveal, some less buzzed-about Apple products are far more magical than have previously been believed.

The Apple Dock Connector to USB Cable, for example, gets a Magic Rating of 9. “Imagine,” says Apple PR representative Marian Horsfeld, “you can actually move a 12-inch photo through a 2.5-millimeter cable.”

Oddly, the magically named Magic Mouse only gets a Magic Rating of 4. As the disclaimer now appearing on the Apple Store web pages explains: Apple’s Magic Rating supersedes all superlatives expressed elsewhere, including product naming and advertising.

Approaching end of life, Snow Leopard earns a Magic Rating of only 3. “Clearly it would have merited a 10 at launch, but sometimes the magic fades over time,” explains Horsfeld.

Though most are praising Apple for its innovative and helpful Magic Rating, the David Copperfield camp is fuming. A spokesman for the once-magician, now-thaumaturgist said, “Our legal battles with Apple continue. David is hurt and disappointed that the courts have initially sided with Apple, but he’ll never give up. Never.”


  1. FranktheCultist |

    At last… I was one of the masses who was having trouble distinguishing what was magical and what was merely amazing. My life is now complete… if fact everything is now magical…

  2. Kenan Sulayman |

    I know this is Scoopertino – but when I saw this I went to to check it out x3

  3. Chris |

    Can’t Wait! 😛

  4. Boogster Su |

    My new HumanCentiPad’s Magic Rating is 11. And a half!

    • Jacob Alford |

      That was a great south park episode!

  5. Nick |

    Motorola Xoom Magic Rating: -3

  6. HarryHipster |

    Atkinson and Hertzfeld already invented this scale when they were at General Magic, but you’ve probably never heard of it.

  7. Gil Bates |

    Actually, Apple has had ‘Magic Ratings’ for years, the new part is that they are now “clearly displayed in a graphic sticker on every computer and device”. The rating previously was only located in the EULA – Volume 1, page 342, section V, paragraph 7c(iii). As defined at 48 C.F.R. §2.101, consisting of “Commercial Computer Software” and “Commercial Computer Software Documentation”, as such terms are used in 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202, as applicable. Consistent with 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202-1 through 227.7202-4, as applicable, the Commercial Computer Software and Commercial Computer Software Documentation are being licensed to U.S. Government end users (a) only as Commercial Items and (b) with only those rights as are granted to all other end users pursuant to the terms and conditions herein. Unpublished-rights reserved under the copyright laws of the United States.

    But you have to agree to the EULA before you are allowed to read it.

    • Purplepancake |

      Otherwise, you go to jail and become Jail Bates.

      • ThePC007 |

        Well, you can still JailBreak if you want to.

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  11. Ssjkudos |

    Absolutely brilliant! Magic rating 10!

  12. Maharshi Bhattacharya |

    this website is so fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀

  13. kull14 |

    ipod classic 1 lol

  14. Unknown |

    MAGIC Mouse….Why it has only 4 Points? 

  15. indian1 |


  16. Rohan |

    Why is the Macbook pro 6? the $2000 version will magically make your money disapear.

  17. Dolan |

    The Magic Mouse is more ‘magical’ than the iPod Classic?

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