Apple reveals Plus-Minus-Max-Mini naming scheme

SUNNYVALE — Phew. After years of complaints from Apple customers about perplexing product names, sanity finally returns.

Say goodbye to absurdities like iPhone XS Max and hello to clever, more creative names like iPhone 11S Plus Max Mini SE.

Armed with the rumors beginning to appear about the new AirPods Pro Lite earphones in the pipeline, Scoopertino cornered Apple’s Phil Schiller—who spilled the beans.

Here are excerpts from our interview.

SCOOPERTINO: So great to bump into you here at KFC, Phil. Let’s jump into it. Are we really going to get AirPods Pro Lite soon?

SCHILLER: Absolutely. You’re going to love them.

SCOOPERTINO: Can you explain the logic of the name? Seems a little odd, doesn’t it?

SCHILLER: It’s not about oddness, it’s about courage. Only Apple has the courage to name products like this. And it makes a lot of sense—AirPods Pro Lite will have the Pro features you love, minus a few features you might also love. So you get Pro, and you get Lite. Make sense?

SCOOPERTINO: But if you take away the Pro features, aren’t they just plain AirPods?

SCHILLER: You don’t get it, do you.

SCOOPERTINO: Do you see this logic carrying over to other products as well, like iPhone?

SCHILLER: Totally. You’re expecting an iPhone 11S Pro Max next year, right? If we add and remove a few features, we could easily create an iPhone 11S Pro Max Plus Minus.

SCOOPERTINO: Interesting. But I’m still a little fuzzy on one thing. What exactly is the difference between Max, Pro and Plus? Aren’t they all just shades of the same thing?

SCHILLER: I can’t get into the secret stuff.

SCOOPERTINO: What about the SE moniker? Those letters were always puzzling.

SCHILLER: Funny story. We were talking about making a “super exciting” phone, and it just kind of stuck. But with our expanded thinking, the door is wide open for LE products as well, for customers who prefer a “low excitement” experience. Maybe they have heart conditions or something.

SCOOPERTINO: So, uh, iPhone 11S Max Plus Minus LE?

SCHILLER: It’s a natural.

SCOOPERTINO: Interesting. What about Apple TV? A lot of people wonder where that’s going.

SCHILLER: Different product, same philosophy. If the Plus product doesn’t match your needs, wouldn’t it be great if you could add a few Minuses? Or even more Pluses? Maybe the right product for you would be an Apple TV +-+-.

SCOOPERTINO: Seriously? I guess anything’s possible then? Like an iMac Pro Plus Minus Max Mini?

SCHILLER: There ya go. Infinite possibilities = happy customers.

SCOOPERTINO: Well, a big thanks to Phil Schiller, Apple’s VP Worldwide Product Marketing, for taking the time to talk to us.

SCHILLER: Correction, I have a new title. I’m now VP Worldwide Product Marketing Minus Bolivia Minus Online Plus Apple Park Maintenance.

SCOOOPERTINO: Good lord.

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