HP launches new CEO Swapper app for iPad

Palo Alto, CA — Can HP turn lemons into lemonade? You bet they can.

Building on the expertise they’ve gained by firing two CEOs in less than a year, HP has launched CEO Swapper — a beautifully designed iPad app that makes it easier than ever to dispose of one CEO and pop in a new one.

CEO Swapper streamlines the CEO replacement process by putting all the basics at your fingertips. Using HP’s proprietary CEO Seeker™ technology, you can search the current pool of possible CEOs by category: your previous CEOs, competitors’ CEOs and washed-up CEOs that might be available at bargain rates.

CEO Swapper takes all the work out of CEO replacement and actually makes it fun. Once you’ve chosen a replacement, simply choose a fate for your current CEO (demote to mail room, escort from building, etc.) and touch the Swap button.

Need a press release to announce your latest sacking? Not a problem. CEO Swapper automatically generates gorgeous press releases on your own company letterhead, artfully weaving a story from up to five reasons you choose from a pre-defined list. HP has really done its homework here, providing a wide range of reasons to fire (falsifying expenses, drug use, caught with stripper, and more), but the final release is fully customizable.

“This is fantastic,” said Charles H. Noski, member of the Board of Directors at Microsoft. “This is exactly the kind of app we’ve been looking for.”

While CEO Swapper has already made the App Store’s Most Popular list, one bug has been reported. Currently, when you press the Swap button, the outgoing CEO is issued a $25 million severance payment. HP says it’s working on a fix. In the meantime, they suggest a workaround: shred your CEO’s existing employment agreements before you use the app.