Interfacelift: Apple panics, junks iOS 7 icons

Cupertino, CA —  Just weeks after unveiling “a stunning new interface” for iOS 7, Apple CEO Tim Cook has let loose with an even bigger stunner.

The widely panned interface has been junked months before iOS 7 even ships.

At a special press conference today, Cook trotted out a new design scheme that leverages Apple’s heritage — and saves a few bucks in the process.

The new iOS 7 design brings back the original 1984 Macintosh interface. By doing so, Apple hopes to warm the hearts of its users and wash away the bad taste of Jony Ive’s first software effort.

Timeless beauty: the original Macintosh interface brings new elegance to iOS 7

Cook opened the press conference with a bit of humor. “I don’t suppose you’ll believe our first shot at iOS 7 was all Scott Forstall’s fault,” he quipped.

According to sources inside Apple, Cook faced a painful decision: suffer more attacks for a substandard iOS 7 or abandon ship on the controversial design and swallow millions in development costs.

Summoning the ghost of Mac OS 1 made the decision easy.

“The old icons are tried and true. Plus, they’re already paid for,” said Cook.

“Cha-ching,” added Apple Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer, in his only contribution to the press conference.

iOS 7 is still on schedule to ship in the fall — and guaranteed to delight octogenarian Apple fans around the world.