Microsoft unveils state-of-the-vapor tablet

Hollywood, CA — Makers of vaporware the world over are celebrating the introduction of Microsoft’s new Surface tablet.

“Finally someone is doing it right,” said Bernard De Smet, spokesperson for the Belgium-based Vapor Manufacturers Association (VMA).

While many vaporware makers operate stealthily, De Smet lauds Microsoft for being so blatant. He notes that the Surface tablet is already being marketed as “Vaporware perfected.”

In fact, about the only thing that was real in Steve Ballmer’s presentation last week was the triple-reinforced stage beneath his feet.

On the outside, Surface sports a revolutionary VaporMg™ (pronounced Vapor-Mag) shell. But it’s what’s below the surface that makes Surface truly vaporous. Built upon Microsoft’s advanced VaporCh™ (pronounced Vapor-Chip) circuitry, Surface can out-perform any tablet confined to the physical world.

And that’s just the tip of the vapor-berg. Microsoft Surface will ship with over 100,000 apps that don’t exist and a combination cover/keyboard that’s never been touched by human hands.

Because it is a virtual tablet, Microsoft promises that Surface will be updated within 24 hours of anyone inventing anything, so there is no real point in buying an iPad or Android tablet.

Steve Ballmer was positively beaming onstage. “Never in the history of technology has anyone put this much horsepower behind vaporware,” he said. “Only Microsoft engineers could imagine a tablet like this.”

The Surface tablet is guaranteed to be shipping “soon” and will come with Microsoft’s exclusive three-year VaporCare. If at any time during the coverage period Microsoft actually ships Surface, customers will be entitled to a no-questions-asked refund.