Apple introduces Siri Pro: for serious Apple lovers

Cupertino, CA — Think Siri is all talk and no action? Think again.

Targeting lovestruck Siri fans, Apple today launched Siri Pro — at long last giving that little vixen Siri a unique and accommodating physical presence.

Whereas the Siri included with iPhone 4S can only go so far with her flirtation and innuendo, Siri Pro is designed for a more fulfilling relationship. She’s a fully functional pleasure-bot, sexier than a MacBook Air and more seductive than an iPad.

The inspiration for Siri Pro came from the Siri servers currently in operation. Over 65% of the questions and commands put to Siri by iPhone 4S owners indicate the user’s desire for a deeper bond. Top interactions include: “Will you marry me,” “Can I buy you a drink” and “I want to have your robotic children.”

“When we say we listen to our customers, we’re not kidding around,” says Apple worldwide marketing chief Phil Schiller.

Siri Pro is available at the Apple Store for $999 (32GB) and $1,299 (64GB). Alternate personalities — Streetwalker, Catholic Schoolgirl, Nurse — are available via the App Store for $9.99. Aluminized lingerie is sold separately.

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  • ljmac

    “Siri Pro never goes down. Unless you ask nicely.”

    Love it!

  • http://twitter.com/cjgraphix Collin Robinson

    I’ll bet she would make me a sandwich! 

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  • ljmac

    Surprised at the lack of comments on this article – are the people who take the articles on this site seriously too embarrassed to comment on this one? ;)

  • boredumb

    you’d have to buy two…

  • Anonymous

    What about a man Siri? With a man body?

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  • Thehoodedclawreturns

    Now that Cook is in charge I’d expect a male version shortly :)

  • Anonymous

    ;-) Never mind that, CAN I RUN TWO VERSIONS of the app AT THE SAME TIME?

  • ljmac

    LOL! :-D

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  • SirThomas

    The market is better for female robots, that’s why they developed this one first. Also your going to have to order the french speaking version, if you want it before it sells hear in the states.

  • MrGlobal

    If I got one and we…you know…did it, would the children be Sirian?

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  • Net12947

    I met her sister, SERIOUS, she’s really hot

  • Fuckmeister

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK  

    what are thay kidding me ?

  • Smashadamz07

    Lol…I love this site and Siri

  • Imouto

    hey what about alter ego “tsundere imouto”. is it available ?

  • Cisg2010

    hey ! watch out this awesome Apple video in steve’s voice !

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002593723939 Cyrus Blades

    costs a $G? WTF? I can spend like $5 at a bar and get some 18 blonde ditsy chick to do all this crap… HAHAHA! FAIL!

  • BANG725

    Nice tits

  • Chris11ferret

    It will get in a SIRIous fight with android

  • 123

    Are you gay?

  • Flaviomurad

    Yes!  ;-)

  • David

    These guys who needs siri pro , i thnk , they should search for some girlfriend .

  • StormRaider1997

    This has to be fake

  • Teddy Maitre

    That’s voice answer app and you just put the Siri logo on voice answer nice try

  • yoseph

    WTF are you talking about?

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  • Ashlee

    If it was a man, we would have sirians. Cuz, you know, sex can take us far.

  • TheBlondeDitsy

    Lol right

  • haloliker

    Damn, she is really expensive :(

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  • Sirio

    Is this real? Or a joke

  • Rt

    I would like siri pro but the price I could never afford..I would make it more fun to trash talk and have fun instead of the plain boring siri.

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  • Savannah

    I can’t believe it has come to this

  • Lindsay

    Wow this is sad. People can’t get in REAL relationships so they pay to marry a disembodied voice.

  • Lindsay

    Unfortunately it’s real -.-

  • Lindsay

    And most of the stuff they do with this thing is just plain WRONG! OMG it’s no wonder these men are so desperate, I would rather DIE then go out with any of u freaks!

  • Lindsay

    Finally a person on this site with a brain! As a woman though, I can understand why all these man whores are single.

  • Lindsay

    Seriously? Get a life!!

  • Logan

    Wtf they are having a nake* robot for iPhones

  • Guy……..just guy.

    Real

  • Nicki

    How do u get Siri pro?