Apple introduces Siri Pro: for serious Apple lovers

Cupertino, CA — Think Siri is all talk and no action? Think again.

Targeting lovestruck Siri fans, Apple today launched Siri Pro — at long last giving that little vixen Siri a unique and accommodating physical presence.

Whereas the Siri included with iPhone 4S can only go so far with her flirtation and innuendo, Siri Pro is designed for a more fulfilling relationship. She’s a fully functional pleasure-bot, sexier than a MacBook Air and more seductive than an iPad.

The inspiration for Siri Pro came from the Siri servers currently in operation. Over 65% of the questions and commands put to Siri by iPhone 4S owners indicate the user’s desire for a deeper bond. Top interactions include: “Will you marry me,” “Can I buy you a drink” and “I want to have your robotic children.”

“When we say we listen to our customers, we’re not kidding around,” says Apple worldwide marketing chief Phil Schiller.

Siri Pro is available at the Apple Store for $999 (32GB) and $1,299 (64GB). Alternate personalities — Streetwalker, Catholic Schoolgirl, Nurse — are available via the App Store for $9.99. Aluminized lingerie is sold separately.

  • John Felix Koziol

    It was only a matter of time.

  • Bay

    No it’s really not. 75% of you guys are idiots. Your kidding right? You believed this?

  • Мистер Пивиш

    Look of what we got herea, jealousy? Y u kno u gotta problem with obesity if man prefer a silicon gadget instead of you. I tink that fat boring chicks everywhere made this happen.
    But no worry u can always find sum black man to fcku. So male version of siri aint needed.

  • Lè candy man

    Uhhh…at the bottom of the picture it says “all the fake Apple news”

  • LeShie

    ?I see that now, how fake is it?