Apple launches iBox: advanced technology, minus the technology

Cupertino, CA — After years of thinking outside the box, Apple has focused its design and engineering smarts on the box itself.

Today, thousands of Apple faithful lined up at Apple Stores across the U.S. to see the result: iBox.

iBox has no touchscreen, no battery and no software. But what it lacks in technology, it makes up for in magic. As Apple’s press release explains, “iBox is pure imagination — the first Apple product that can be whatever you want it to be.”

In fact, iBox’s only specs are its measurements: 10 x 14 x 2. Thanks to Apple’s unibox engineering (iBox is machined from a single piece of cardboard), its skin is as thin as an eggshell, yet stronger than a pizza box.

Despite its infinite possibilities, most people will use iBox for the obvious: putting stuff inside. Apple claims that iBox’s 280 cubic inches can literally store over 26 million combinations of different-sized objects.

A multimillion ad campaign will make iBox a household word (click to enlarge)

“This is light years ahead of other containment devices,” raves Morgan Stanley analyst Harrison Gerber, “No tabs, no slots, nothing tricky. To open it, you just lift the lid. Pure Apple genius.”

Though sparse in the innards department, iBox out-performs MacBook Pro in one key area: it’s available in both glossy and matte finishes. Even better, it can be viewed from absolutely any angle. iBox is also coated with an invisible polymer that resists finger sweat.

Apple is making two iBox accessories available at launch. The Smart Cover protects the top surface of iBox and lets you prop it up at a pleasing angle. The iBox Box is a plastic case that lets you carry iBox from place to place without risk of damage.

To help customers enjoy iBox right out of the box, Apple Stores are offering free One-to-One sessions with each purchase.

“Once again, Apple owns a new category,” says Gene Munster of Piper Jaffray. “It’ll take competitors a year to get in the game, and by then Apple will have a second-generation iBox.”

Indeed, iBox 2 is already the subject of speculation. Experts believe it will be up to 33% thinner and offer a choice of colors. Apple refused to speculate on future plans.

iBox has a list price of $69 and is available immediately. AppleCare is optional, covering all damage to iBox except that caused by sitting on it.

  • Bill Gates

    It even has retina Display… What a show of Advanced Technology, minus Technology..

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  • Chazzmundo

    arghhhh I hope that was meant to be a non-serious comment XD

    I only say this as I am fully aware of the average IQ of an American adult.

  • Dewmanlyons

    can i get mine in red?

  • J. McCaffrey

    Is this being manufactured by Boxconn, or a different contractor?

  • Ivan

    GROUNDBREAKING NEWS
    Samsung released an GalaxyBox! Oh no))

  • Lypenguin

    They’re selling a box… .____.

  • ABRACADABRA

    Is this a fucking joke??

  • Fredsmeds

    dude, it’s a box.

  • Jostores

    Whats the price????

  • Sthembiso

    where does one purchase the IBOX

  • Myrmidon

    Of course not.

  • Ackongolsim Thenewbelief

    Cough Cough….. Virgin

  • http://twitter.com/r129s215 Big Brother

    Ohhhhh boy I can’t wait until I can make an unboxing video mine arrives on the 5th!

  • Ioncehadadognamedspotbuthedied

    I heard a rumor that Justin T has agreed to promote the iBox.

  • Crunchbyte08

    how can we possibly comprehend the awesomeness of this new I-product?!?!?!?

  • acetato

    oh my god, i can’t believe someone will purchase a box… for 69 dlls. this is just stupid you can use any other regular box !! think people please they are selling you a f*****g
     box

  • Body By Wayne

    For the sake of your children, I truly hope this comment is a joke.

  • Rick Astley

    Original version is too laggy. The screen isnt even HD and no apps for this one! useless!! im gonna buy iBox 2 :)

  • Jckd19

    cough cough….. Dumbass

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  • Mizjackpott

    I don’t think we’re ready for this yet

  • http://www.facebook.com/ganesh.katrapati Ganesh Katrapati

    Awesome ! 

  • Steve Wozniak

    Sexy. But wait for the iBox 2. Girl looks hot…

  • vettedude95

    What, NO!!! wait for “The New iBox”

  • http://www.facebook.com/veeyah.17 Veeyah Penero

    OMG! Where can I get a pink version of this? And do they come in other sizes?

    Seriously though, who’d be foolish enough to buy this? Hahaha. Scoopertino, you’re awesome man.

  • Pete

    Can we jailbreak it?

  • http://twitter.com/sfsekaran Sathya Sekaran

    You may have to wait a few more months so the hackers can finish reverse-engineering it. I don’t know about you, but I’m not getting one until they do.

  • Slim shady

    Wtf is this?

  • LJUGuyfgluyg

    trollhead