Apple unveils iBuy: the marriage of typing and spending

Cupertino, CA — Can’t spend your hard-earned cash fast enough?

There’s a keyboard for that.

Today Apple introduced the revolutionary iBuy Keyboard, which literally puts new Apple purchases at your fingertips.

iBuy provides new, hard-to-miss keys that instantly send Buy commands to the Apple Store. Just touch the key for iPhone, iPad, iPod or iMac, and a new device will be shipped to your home via overnight delivery. No need to even select a model — Apple’s staff of experts will do that for you.

Amazingly, the iBuy Keyboard is no larger than the previous Apple Keyboard. To accommodate the Buy keys, Apple has reduced the size of lesser important keys — namely, the letters and numbers.

In its press release, Apple notes that the iBuy Keyboard is a reflection of its customers’ changing priorities.

“We get thousands of emails from customers every day,” explains Apple spokesperson Craig Henneman. “Most are interested in new Apple devices. Very few express an interest in alphanumeric keys.”

The iBuy Keyboard effectively ends the age-old debate about QWERTY vs. Dvorak keyboard layouts. “Who cares where the letters are located when it’s so easy to buy a new iPad?” says Henneman.

When a Buy key is pressed, the transaction is instant. There’s not even a confirmation screen. So you can literally buy an Apple device while composing an email, enhancing a photo or building a spreadsheet — without a moment’s distraction.

The iBuy keyboard, however, is not without its downsides.

Edith Winestock, a Kansas City widow, reportedly received 16 iPods, 32 iPads, 22 iPhones and 16 iMacs, thanks to the frequent key-presses performed by her cat, Jingles. Apple accepted the returns, charging only a 15% restocking fee.

 

 

  • http://twitter.com/Ginister Bryn Roberts

    Can iBuy it?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000491583007 Boogster Su

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000491583007 Boogster Su

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000491583007 Boogster Su

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  • Me2

    what’s IRA? In the UK it may have a different connotation….

  • William Moraes

    An IRA is an Individual Retirement Account, and provides either a tax-deferred or tax-free way of saving for retirement.

  • Pingback: iBuy Keyboard : Le nouveau clavier Apple | La Pomme Croquée

  • Anonymous

    Looks like it’s wired, so… deal breaker for me.

  • Anonymous

    Obviously fake.

    There’s no “Buy MacBook Pro” button.

    Also, I heard that version 2 of the keyboard (codenamed “HoneyCrisp”) will replace the words with icons. And the SDK for Lion will have a new feature NSKeyboardMap, where your program can map the keys from a pre-iBuy Keyboard to access the “buy iPhone”, “buy iPad”, etc. keys. Then you as a developer get a 5% cut of the sale.

  • Exceleramus

    I almost fell for it…until I realized there was no numeric keypad.

  • Me2

    nothing to do with the Irish, then…

  • Tina Trunzo

    Nothing to do with the Irish ….because unlike the Irish, USA citizens are on their own when it comes to retirement.

  • Dan

    He mentioned Irish as in Irish Republican Army (IRA)

  • FortNerds

    That’s a security feature, since it implements eCommerce.

  • loismustdie

    B3@$T

  • Pingback: Pour se détendre, l’iBuy-Keyboard : après l’Apple Store, un nouveau concept … Le "Clavier Store" | Tout, tout, tout, vous saurez tout sur les nouveautés Apple!

  • http://www.web.me.com/niconathanson/Apples_Awesomness/Home.html AppleisAwesome

    How are they supposed to figure out what model you want. This one is soooo fake.

  • Pingback: Pour se détendre, l’iBuy-Keyboard : après l’Apple Store, un nouveau concept … Le « Clavier Store » | Blogchoc.com – toute l'actualité croustillante du web

  • Pingback: Quick Look: iBuy keyboard - TheAppleLounge

  • Pingback: Apple unveils iBuy | InBeta

  • http://twitter.com/foggyeyes69 Viraj Mahesh

    We took a great product, took it apart, put it back together, and sold it to you, again.  And we’ve added some impressive new ways to spend your money for you.

  • Pingback: iBuy - tastatura care te ajuta sa cumperi produse Apple

  • Darth

    I really hope you are trolling with all these posts.

  • Darth

    I really hope you are trolling with all these posts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Aycock/1580471279 Chris Aycock

    stupid waste of my time even looking at this.. not funny

  • akhane

    Hillarious!

  • http://twitter.com/warrengonline Warreng Online

    Hey, where’s the eBay and iGetToSkipYouCauseI’mMoreImportant button?  Wait!?  There isn’t even a iSaidShutUpAndSellItToMeAlready button!?!?  FAKE!

  • No

    What happens if I want to buy all of them.  Thats like 4 key presses.  Do you know if there will be a software update to where I can use macros to pre-program one single button to iBuy all.  That will help out a lot with my carpal tunnel.

  • http://www.letstalktablets.com letstalktablets

    lol hopefully this feature will be available in version 2

  • Chris Bycock

    lol, your last name says cock

  • Chris Bycock

    lol, your last name says cock

  • asdfguy

    Cock!

  • A guy

    it should have a button called Give apple all your money, because u would do that any way. Now ur chance

  • Brandon White

    Lmao best one yet