EXCLUSIVE: Jony Ive takes us inside his castle

Cupertino, CA — He’s the guru of design. Champion of good taste. Poster boy for elegance.

Jony Ive may anguish over every little curve in Apple’s design studio, but at home he prefers the elegant curves of an ice cold Pabst.

In an exclusive interview, Apple’s chief designer and igniter of revolutions opened his home to Scoopertino. And the Jony we met could not be more different than the public persona.

“It’s stressful to work under the thumb of a perfectionist like Steve Jobs,” says Jony. “When I get home, the last thing I want to think about is dotting every i and crossing every t.”

Clearly there’s little i-dotting or t-crossing going on at the Ive residence. The house hasn’t seen a coat of paint since the 70s. You could finance your kid’s first year in college by redeeming the cans and bottles littered in the yard.

Touring his estate, Jony caressed his pride and joy — “Betsy,” the ’84 Cutlass he’s owned since he moved to the States. “She run real good till about ’97. Now she’s just waitin’ on a new set of rotors,” he explained.

Inside the house, we saw a more familiar Jony. Pushing aside Betsy’s carburetor to make room on the couch, Jony beamed as he fired up his home theater — a 19-inch Zenith upgraded with coat-hanger and aluminized foil.

“No Apple TV for this bad boy,” he grinned, chewing on his third Slim Jim of the morning. “I leave that stuff at the office.”

Then he became distracted and went silent, staring toward the kitchen. “It’s magical, isn’t it. Timeless,” he said. “You know how to use it before you even touch it.” There, on the kitchen table, sat a brand new can of Spam.

  • http://facebook.com/savethefish Ahmad Nazir

    Next time portray him as muscle dude instead of fatty snoobbish hahaha :D

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  • Patrick

    Photoshopped! I can see the pixels!

  • Simon

    You mean this isn’t real??? :P

  • dataghoul

    yes, it’s real, but they want you to think otherwise!
    :-)

  • http://highcaliberguns.com ArrowJ

    I don’t understand why he would choose to live this way? For that matter, I’m not sure why Steve Jobs would allow him to live this way.

  • Lee

    Wow, somebody did manage to take this one seriously! :-)

  • ULiars

    I can’t believe you put that tattoo on his arm and the Apple sticker on that fake car. My friend told me this story was real, but you guys are just a bunch of liars! Quit wasting everyone’s time.

  • MarvinG

    Even his name is pretentious. It sounds like a brand of shampoo or something.

  • http://marvinbl.dk marvinbek

    @ULiars
    This oage is for FAKE appe news, look at the bottom bar, you don’t get it, i see.

  • SteveJobs45674567

    LOOKS SHOOPED

  • http://twitter.com/AlnAndr Alan André García

    Larry the Cable Guy?

  • Bob

    That Cutlass is a 1985, not a 1984. The taillights changed in 85.

  • Iuh

    okay everyone, get to work on jailbreaking this (how is even possible to jailbreak a house with a can of spam)

  • Harrel Phillips

    If you’ve ever driven the back roads of Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and even Tennessee or Kentucky, you surely had to see this sort of existence all over the place.  Some of the older jalopies were placed strategically around the yard and were converted into gardening achievements.  I would imagine that this article would be a slap in the face to many of these people.  Remember BR-549?

  • Anonymous

    Wow. What don’t you get about “unreal Apple news” and “all the news that’s fit to fabricate?” XD Scoopertino is the Onion to my Apple.

  • http://whatafy.com whatafy

    Hilarious picture

  • Brandon

    Dude, if this was about real Apple news why is it named fake apple news and also the website is scoopertino.com not applenews.com?

  • Blaaa

    o cmon guys i like him, distasteful picture i guess.

  • Macman44

    XD

  • Dnfdnfj

    You just went full retard, man. Never go full retard.