Twitter swallowed by Apple, relaunched as Twapple

Cupertino, CA — Out with the Tweets, in with the Twapps.

In one of its more surprising moves, today Apple announced it had acquired Twitter. The world-changing social media site will now be known as Twapple — combining the power of Twitter with the simplicity of Apple.

In general terms, the site will continue to work as it has in the past. But Apple has unveiled a revolutionary new way to Tweet Twapp.

Rather than force you to expend valuable energy dreaming up clever new Tweets every day, Twapple does the work for you. It automatically posts clever Apple-designed quips from your Twapple name at designated intervals.

“Twapple is the perfect solution for people who don’t have the time, but don’t want to miss out on the social media revolution,” said Apple spokesperson Elias Highland.

But can an automated Twapp really sound like it came from you? According to Apple, it can sound even better — thanks to a new Twapple feature called Personalities.

Upon signup, you can browse a list of 128 Personalities to find the one that best matches you — or the person you’d rather be. Just pick one, and start Twapping.

You can try an old favorite like Funny Man (or his counterpart Funny Lady), who can find humor in even the most tragic events. Or try out a new Personality like Harlot, who blurs the line between flirting and felony.

“We built our library of Personalities and Twapps on an analysis of over 400 million Tweets made in the last year,” explained Highland. “We’ve duplicated all the familiar personality disorders. The only difference is, now you can make them your own.”

Apple says that it plans to build a whole new ecosystem around Twapple. Personalities are open to developers, so you’ll soon be able to choose from thousands of $.99 Personalities at the Twapp Store.

  • Asfiu

    Why does this sound plausible to me?

  • http://twitter.com/kappesante kappe sante

    i’d like ti!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=582513828 Eric Schatz

    I still can’t cross-post between Twapple and Ping!!! WTF!

  • http://twitter.com/Balzaak Keith

    you just gave them an idea

  • http://www.web.me.com/niconathanson/Apples_Awesomness/Home.html AppleisAwesome

    Wow Apple’s is trying to start another social network. Didn’t they learn from ping? Even Scoopertino has another article making fun of ping. http://scoopertino.com/apples-ping-attracts-78th-member-rolls-toward-100/

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000491583007 Boogster Su

    Is there a Personality named Stevie Wonder?

  • Daniel

    Soon we’ll be having bites to replace tweets.

  • MiserHenry

    I really want to start TwapPing and send 5s cloud clips of my favorite songs along with inane commentary.  It would be so sweet.  The music makes it relevant.

  • Eloise

    Original but widely approved comments will also be available for 0.99$    But trends and hashtags will be chosen in conformity with the new federal rules and regulations of legal internet subject of interests.

  • Eloise

    Original but widely approved comments will also be available for 0.99$    But trends and hashtags will be chosen in conformity with the new federal rules and regulations of legal internet subject of interests.

  • http://www.atbreak.com atbreak

    i love your humor :-)

  • http://www.atbreak.com atbreak

    i love your humor :-)

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