Apple embraces Big Brother role in Super Bowl commercial

Cupertino, CA — Google and Motorola have both accused Apple of acting like Big Brother, trying to control every aspect of our lives.

Yesterday, in front of 100 million Super Bowl viewers, Apple delivered its answer:

“Damn right.”

In a 60-second blockbuster commercial, Apple claimed that it really is Big Brother — and we’ll all be better off for it.

Control over your own life is overrated; FaceTime's new Big Brother mode makes everyday decisions simpler

The commercial is an ironic take on the famous 1984 Super Bowl ad, in which a young Apple cast itself as the brave revolutionary acting against Big Brother. Now the tables have turned.

In the 2011 version, we see a gangling nerd dressed in Android-branded shorts, armed only with a peashooter. He’s being chased by Apple-logoed Thought Police who wave their iDevices in a menacing manner. He reaches a chamber where bland automatons mindlessly gaze at Steve Jobs as Big Brother. Heroically, the runner aims his peashooter at the screen — but is quickly tackled by Thought Police and brutally beaten. We hear Brother Steve prattle on with his propaganda:

Today, we celebrate the fourth glorious anniversary of the iOS Purification Directives. We have created a walled garden of pure ideology. Our Unification of Thought will cause our enemies to fragment into oblivion. We are one cult, with one will, one resolve, with one OS. Our enemies shall release apps without approval, and we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!

“Look,” says Steve Jobs in response to a customer email, “we’re not talking about the scary kind of Big Brother. Apple is the good kind of Big Brother. It’ll be fine. You’re thinking about it too much.”

Apple has taken swift action to step into the Big Brother role. Less than 24 hours after airing the commercial, it is pushing out mandatory, simultaneous OS updates for Mac, iPod, iPhone and iPad. Across all Apple products, FaceTime will now include Big Brother mode, which allows Apple to influence every aspect of your life.

“Think of it as an expanded version of Parental Control,” says Apple VP of Marketing Phil Schiller. “The only difference is, now Apple does the monitoring and you have no control.”

Apple’s Super Bowl commercial ends by openly scorning the efforts of its chief competitor. Echoing the famous last line of the 1984 spot, a message scrolls across the screen:

In 2011, Google will introduce Android 3.0. And you’ll see why Apple couldn’t care less.


  1. ObamaPacman |

    I’ll take Apple’s walled-garden over open-mediocrity.

    • Nick Potter |

      fan boy douche

    • Reality |

      Better stock up on some apple water then….just to be sure……

  2. 1koreansf |

    Now finish your Kool-aid!

  3. AndroidGoesXoom! |

    All hail the JobsNet!

  4. Secret |

    Antitrust its a movie go enjoy it and parrallel some things in the movie to steve jobs

    • Red |

      Actually the writers of that movie have said that it was specifically written off of Microsoft and Bill Gates. Nice try at trying to turn it around tho

      • Malthor |

        that’s true, but only because unlike Apple who actually practices anti-trust as a religion, Microsoft is actually a SUCCESSFUL software maker.

        • Former PC-user |

          Then why all the Apple hate? With only 10% of the market Apple is no threat to the PC industry. And frankly PC users get a significant benefit from Apple’s R&D – granted you don’t get that benefit for a few years after Apple launches their products. And now, not a single PC-based tablet computer with similar features can even match Apple’s price to within $150. Motorola’s XOOM is out at $800. If Apple weren’t pushing the industry we’d still be using floppy disks.

          • xen |

            That might be true bar the fact that Apple is now using intel based arch, also it sounds like you are implying that without apple we would not have CD/DVD/USB? try again.

            I have no hate or love for apple i just believe that the huge innovation that the apple fans think that apple has done is not so.

            Apple Mac: A simple “pretty” interface, on top of FreeBSD, siting on Intel architecture, double the price.

            Would have been good to see the new mac using SPARC processors or even intel Xeon to justify the price.

          • notamindslave |

            Except the $800 Xoom compares (and beats) to the $729 Ipad model, which is the closest in hardware memory. And allows for USB connectivity, tethering, memory replacement. Superior product for $71 more. Sounds like a good deal to me.

    • Former PC-user |

      … and Bill Gates. Only difference is that Apple products work. I use them for my business because I have been saving money in the long run. I’m brand-neutral, profit-driven. And Apple is way worth it.

  5. Bill Doors |

    When will they release iWindows?

    • Gman |

      scoopurtino should do that

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