Apple introduces Siri Pro: for serious Apple lovers

Cupertino, CA — Think Siri is all talk and no action? Think again.

Targeting lovestruck Siri fans, Apple today launched Siri Pro — at long last giving that little vixen Siri a unique and accommodating physical presence.

Whereas the Siri included with iPhone 4S can only go so far with her flirtation and innuendo, Siri Pro is designed for a more fulfilling relationship. She’s a fully functional pleasure-bot, sexier than a MacBook Air and more seductive than an iPad.

The inspiration for Siri Pro came from the Siri servers currently in operation. Over 65% of the questions and commands put to Siri by iPhone 4S owners indicate the user’s desire for a deeper bond. Top interactions include: “Will you marry me,” “Can I buy you a drink” and “I want to have your robotic children.”

“When we say we listen to our customers, we’re not kidding around,” says Apple worldwide marketing chief Phil Schiller.

Siri Pro is available at the Apple Store for $999 (32GB) and $1,299 (64GB). Alternate personalities — Streetwalker, Catholic Schoolgirl, Nurse — are available via the App Store for $9.99. Aluminized lingerie is sold separately.