Apple launches HairPort Extreme, turns heads into hotspots

Cupertino, CA — Heads up: you might want to cancel that next haircut appointment.

Today Apple launched HairPort Extreme, a technology-enhanced personal hygiene product that turns your hair into a personal WiFi zone.

Sold in an aluminized aerosol cannister, HairPort Extreme is applied like any hairspray — but that’s where the similarity ends. Each particle contains Apple’s new HairNet™ technology, which automatically bonds with adjoining particles to create an Internet connection lasting up to 24 hours.

“HairPort Extreme will change the way you connect to the world,” says Apple’s press release. “The more hair you have, the stronger your connection.”

Along with HairPort Extreme, Apple is releasing a line of optional accessories designed to enhance reception.

PowerTip attachments provide the precise control needed to spray eyebrows, beards and mutton chops. At the urging of the follicly-challenged Jony Ive, Apple will also offer a line of HairPort-compatible wigs in a range of styles, including afro, beehive and comb-over.

But that’s not all. Coming soon: HairPort Express. These 3-ounce containers hold just enough HairPort to apply to small children or pets, allowing you to turn them into HairNet extenders on the fly.

Industry analyst Jacquelyn Howard expects an ecosystem to grow around the new HairPort technology. “By early 2012, HairPort capabilities will be extended to places Apple would rather not go, including pubic hair and merkins.”


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