Apple unveils iBuy: the marriage of typing and spending

Cupertino, CA — Can’t spend your hard-earned cash fast enough?

There’s a keyboard for that.

Today Apple introduced the revolutionary iBuy Keyboard, which literally puts new Apple purchases at your fingertips.

iBuy provides new, hard-to-miss keys that instantly send Buy commands to the Apple Store. Just touch the key for iPhone, iPad, iPod or iMac, and a new device will be shipped to your home via overnight delivery. No need to even select a model — Apple’s staff of experts will do that for you.

Amazingly, the iBuy Keyboard is no larger than the previous Apple Keyboard. To accommodate the Buy keys, Apple has reduced the size of lesser important keys — namely, the letters and numbers.

In its press release, Apple notes that the iBuy Keyboard is a reflection of its customers’ changing priorities.

“We get thousands of emails from customers every day,” explains Apple spokesperson Craig Henneman. “Most are interested in new Apple devices. Very few express an interest in alphanumeric keys.”

The iBuy Keyboard effectively ends the age-old debate about QWERTY vs. Dvorak keyboard layouts. “Who cares where the letters are located when it’s so easy to buy a new iPad?” says Henneman.

When a Buy key is pressed, the transaction is instant. There’s not even a confirmation screen. So you can literally buy an Apple device while composing an email, enhancing a photo or building a spreadsheet — without a moment’s distraction.

The iBuy keyboard, however, is not without its downsides.

Edith Winestock, a Kansas City widow, reportedly received 16 iPods, 32 iPads, 22 iPhones and 16 iMacs, thanks to the frequent key-presses performed by her cat, Jingles. Apple accepted the returns, charging only a 15% restocking fee.

 

 

34 Comments

  1. Bryn Roberts |

    Can iBuy it?

  2. Boogster Su |

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  3. Boogster Su |

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  4. Boogster Su |

    I wonder if this keyboard will be available on iOS devices themselves…

  5. Me2 |

    what’s IRA? In the UK it may have a different connotation….

    • William Moraes |

      An IRA is an Individual Retirement Account, and provides either a tax-deferred or tax-free way of saving for retirement.

      • Me2 |

        nothing to do with the Irish, then…

        • Tina Trunzo |

          Nothing to do with the Irish ….because unlike the Irish, USA citizens are on their own when it comes to retirement.

          • Dan |

            He mentioned Irish as in Irish Republican Army (IRA)

  6. Pingback: iBuy Keyboard : Le nouveau clavier Apple | La Pomme Croquée

  7. Anonymous |

    Looks like it’s wired, so… deal breaker for me.

    • FortNerds |

      That’s a security feature, since it implements eCommerce.

  8. Anonymous |

    Obviously fake.

    There’s no “Buy MacBook Pro” button.

    Also, I heard that version 2 of the keyboard (codenamed “HoneyCrisp”) will replace the words with icons. And the SDK for Lion will have a new feature NSKeyboardMap, where your program can map the keys from a pre-iBuy Keyboard to access the “buy iPhone”, “buy iPad”, etc. keys. Then you as a developer get a 5% cut of the sale.

  9. Exceleramus |

    I almost fell for it…until I realized there was no numeric keypad.

  10. loismustdie |

    [email protected]$T

  11. Pingback: Pour se détendre, l’iBuy-Keyboard : après l’Apple Store, un nouveau concept … Le "Clavier Store" | Tout, tout, tout, vous saurez tout sur les nouveautés Apple!

  12. AppleisAwesome |

    How are they supposed to figure out what model you want. This one is soooo fake.

    • Darth |

      I really hope you are trolling with all these posts.

    • Darth |

      I really hope you are trolling with all these posts.

  13. Pingback: Pour se détendre, l’iBuy-Keyboard : après l’Apple Store, un nouveau concept … Le « Clavier Store » | Blogchoc.com – toute l'actualité croustillante du web

  14. Pingback: Quick Look: iBuy keyboard - TheAppleLounge

  15. Pingback: Apple unveils iBuy | InBeta

  16. Viraj Mahesh |

    We took a great product, took it apart, put it back together, and sold it to you, again.  And we’ve added some impressive new ways to spend your money for you.

  17. Pingback: iBuy - tastatura care te ajuta sa cumperi produse Apple

  18. Chris Aycock |

    stupid waste of my time even looking at this.. not funny

    • Chris Bycock |

      lol, your last name says cock

    • Chris Bycock |

      lol, your last name says cock

    • asdfguy |

      Cock!

  19. akhane |

    Hillarious!

  20. Warreng Online |

    Hey, where’s the eBay and iGetToSkipYouCauseI’mMoreImportant button?  Wait!?  There isn’t even a iSaidShutUpAndSellItToMeAlready button!?!?  FAKE!

  21. No |

    What happens if I want to buy all of them.  Thats like 4 key presses.  Do you know if there will be a software update to where I can use macros to pre-program one single button to iBuy all.  That will help out a lot with my carpal tunnel.

    • letstalktablets |

      lol hopefully this feature will be available in version 2

  22. A guy |

    it should have a button called Give apple all your money, because u would do that any way. Now ur chance

  23. Brandon White |

    Lmao best one yet

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