CAMPAIGN ’12: Steve Jobs unveils radical plan to balance budget

Cupertino, CA —  iTunes Gift Cards to replace Social Security checks?

You betcha, says presidential candidate Steve Jobs, who laid out his economic vision at the Jobs 2012 campaign website today.

In Jobs’ view, only a president who is both businessperson and innovator can solve our fiscal crisis — and we all know who that is.

Building a new Social Security Administration on the bedrock of iTunes is only part of Jobs’ plan. He has ideas to rewrite the tax laws (eliminating taxes for most but hitting Bill Gates hard) and ideas to slash defense spending (deploying iPad apps that make it easy — and fun — to control weapons systems around the world).

iTunes for the elderly = lower cost + higher spirits

Of course, in politically charged times, not everyone is lining up to support the would-be president.

“Steve Jobs is a tyrant,” says Tea Party spokesperson Teresa Blankenship. “His goal is to enrich Apple, then let the leftovers trickle down to the rest of us.”

Apple spokesperson Katie Cotton disagrees. “It’s like when the oxygen masks drop inside a jet,” she explains. “The adult needs to put the mask on first, then help the little people. Steve is just taking care of first things first.”

Next up for the revolution-making candidate? Bringing down health care costs for senior citizens. According to sources, Jobs is soon to announce his plan to replace Medicare with AppleCare — a three-year plan providing unlimited telephone support for most major illnesses.


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