EXCLUSIVE: New Apple HQ to include Throne Room

Cupertino, CA — Apple employees will be living like kings in their new high-tech headquarters. Especially Steve Jobs.

Architectural plans obtained by Scoopertino reveal that the Apple CEO will not have a traditional office in the new structure. Instead, he will hold court with his subjects in a pristine Throne Room.

The idea, according to our source, is to bring Steve closer to employees and customers. Here’s how it will work:

For most of the day, Steve will eat grapes and grant audiences to Apple employees chosen by lot. They are to kneel and address him as My Royal Steveness.

Members of the executive team will be granted 60 seconds to speak, all others get 30 seconds. Steve himself will not speak at all. He will end each audience with a simple thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

Steve will also put one hour aside each week to hear from the common man. Subjects wishing an audience with Steve must follow the same etiquette as employees, with the additional requirement that they bring an offering.

Anticipating that some people’s stories may be depressing to Steve, or simply not amusing enough, there will be a court jester on duty at all times. Arrangements have been made with Michael Dell to expand his current role.



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