iPhone 5s/5c event: live blog transcript

For those who couldn’t catch the live event, here’s a transcript of Scoopertino’s coverage of Apple’s iPhone 5s/5c event in Cupertino yesterday.

9:56AM  Hi all. Roland Greenfellow here. Glad you could make it for our live coverage of this much anticipated Apple event. Excited to see a lot of color circle thingies today. Wore my polka-dot boxers for the occasion.

10:02AM  Apple has definitely cut corners on this one. Charged me $14.95 for a Wi-Fi connection and four bucks for a cup of coffee. This better be good.

10:07AM  In the auditorium now. Crowd is hushed. Here’s Tim Cook!

tim_cheese10:09AM  He takes a few minutes to tell us how rich Apple is, and how thankful we should all be to hand over our money. Hear, hear!

10:10AM  Don’t really get why he’s holding that chunk of cheese though.

10:15AM  Schiller is on now. A little babbling. And now … iPhone 5c! Five colors! Cheap as hell.

10:22AM  Tim walks in and gets real serious. Issues stern warning to the copycats. These are Apple colors — Apple will vigorously protect them in the courts.

chiquita10:24AM  Already Apple lawyers have served notice on Chiquita Bananas for trademark infringement. They’ll need a workaround for that yellow thing.

10:26AM  Tim suggests Chiquita do a little genetic modification and try a blue banana. “Just don’t make it too close to our blue.” Then goes back to his seat.

10:39AM  Hold on… Phil is unveiling yet another iPhone, even CHEAPER. It’s called iPhone 5b.

10:40AM  “b” is for burlap.

burlap10:42AM  Total cost of parts: a buck and a half. Will sell for $19.95 with a 2-week warranty. Oh, and Phil’s holding some cheese too. Still don’t get it.

10:51AM  What can follow that? You guessed it — iPhone 5s. Awesome, simply awesome!

10:52AM  The gold color is totally cool. Environmentally conscious too — made from 100% recycled bling.

fingerprints10:59AM  Now he’s getting to the nitty-gritty. Just as rumored – fingerprint security. Works with any finger or paw.

jony11:08AM  Oh lord, do we have to? Another Jony Ive video.

tetris11:12AM  The audience takes this opportunity to get some other stuff done.

giveaway11:14AM  Now on to apps. Buy a new iOS device and get great apps FREE. You get Pages, Keynote, Numbers and all the other apps Apple hasn’t been able to sell!

11:16AM  Phil gets back into 5c. He has “one more thing” to tell us about the name. The “c” stands for … CHEESE.

c-cheese

11:17AM  Damn, now I get it. Wow, I should have caught on to that quicker.

11:17AM  Cheesy venue, cheesy Jony video, and now even some cheesy iPhone cases. These guys are marketing geniuses!

cheese_grater

11:19AM  Wait —  now there’s one more “one more thing.” The iPhone 5c case actually doubles as a cheese grater.

11:20AM  COOLNESS! We all have a gift under our seat. It’s an iPhone 5c case and a coupon redeemable for a one-pound chunk of Wisconsin cheddar!

11:22AM  Closing the show now. Musical guest. It’s …. HOLY COW, Elvis Costello. Crowd going berserk.

costello11:23AM Thanks for joining me today. This was an amazing event. I’m Roland Greenfellow for Scoopertino. See you at the next show!

 

11 Comments

  1. denbo68 |

    If the ‘B’ in 5B is for burlap and the ‘C’ in 5C is for cheese just what does the ‘S’ stand for in 5S? Sh;t?

  2. Adam D |

    But can you buy two 5c cases, put them on your feet and tell everyone they’re iCrocs?

    • Adam D |

      Dammit. I was wondering why everyone is avoiding me now

  3. Neil Banerjee |

    New articles tend to need proofreading; what’s a 160kb camera? Don’t you mean 160 kp, or kilopixels?

    • Neil Banerjee |

      More proofreading needed- ’10:26AM Tim suggests Chaquita do a little genetic modification and try a blue banana. “Just don’t make it too close to our blue.” Then goes back to his seat.’. Don’t you mean Chiquita?

      And did they sue Chiquita for copying the Mac Banana design? I would be astonished if they didn’t!

      • scoopertino |

        Thank you Neil! Honorary Scooperinto Proofreader badge in the mail.

  4. YeOldeCheeseShoppe |

    Wallace & Gromit approve and want to know if the new iPhone will be localised for and/or compatible with Wensleydale in the UK.

  5. NekoMichi |

    “Fingerprint security. Works with any finger or paw.”

    The awkward moment when someone tries this on a cat’s paw and it actually remembers and works.

  6. Narek Torosyan |

    Cast editing:
    1)C is for colour
    2)5b is unreal
    3)Apple v chiquita is unreal
    4)Touch id not work with paw
    5)The latest image is unreal
    6) Cheese cutter with iphone 5c case is unreal

    • checkenzee2 |

      Bullshit. Like Scoopertino would lie about such things?

    • Neil Banerjee |

      You dare accuse Scoopertino of being fake? Quake in your boots, Neil is angry.
      GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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