iPhone 5s/5c event: live blog transcript

For those who couldn’t catch the live event, here’s a transcript of Scoopertino’s coverage of Apple’s iPhone 5s/5c event in Cupertino yesterday.

9:56AM  Hi all. Roland Greenfellow here. Glad you could make it for our live coverage of this much anticipated Apple event. Excited to see a lot of color circle thingies today. Wore my polka-dot boxers for the occasion.

10:02AM  Apple has definitely cut corners on this one. Charged me $14.95 for a Wi-Fi connection and four bucks for a cup of coffee. This better be good.

10:07AM  In the auditorium now. Crowd is hushed. Here’s Tim Cook!

tim_cheese10:09AM  He takes a few minutes to tell us how rich Apple is, and how thankful we should all be to hand over our money. Hear, hear!

10:10AM  Don’t really get why he’s holding that chunk of cheese though.

10:15AM  Schiller is on now. A little babbling. And now … iPhone 5c! Five colors! Cheap as hell.

10:22AM  Tim walks in and gets real serious. Issues stern warning to the copycats. These are Apple colors — Apple will vigorously protect them in the courts.

chiquita10:24AM  Already Apple lawyers have served notice on Chiquita Bananas for trademark infringement. They’ll need a workaround for that yellow thing.

10:26AM  Tim suggests Chiquita do a little genetic modification and try a blue banana. “Just don’t make it too close to our blue.” Then goes back to his seat.

10:39AM  Hold on… Phil is unveiling yet another iPhone, even CHEAPER. It’s called iPhone 5b.

10:40AM  “b” is for burlap.

burlap10:42AM  Total cost of parts: a buck and a half. Will sell for $19.95 with a 2-week warranty. Oh, and Phil’s holding some cheese too. Still don’t get it.

10:51AM  What can follow that? You guessed it — iPhone 5s. Awesome, simply awesome!

10:52AM  The gold color is totally cool. Environmentally conscious too — made from 100% recycled bling.

fingerprints10:59AM  Now he’s getting to the nitty-gritty. Just as rumored – fingerprint security. Works with any finger or paw.

jony11:08AM  Oh lord, do we have to? Another Jony Ive video.

tetris11:12AM  The audience takes this opportunity to get some other stuff done.

giveaway11:14AM  Now on to apps. Buy a new iOS device and get great apps FREE. You get Pages, Keynote, Numbers and all the other apps Apple hasn’t been able to sell!

11:16AM  Phil gets back into 5c. He has “one more thing” to tell us about the name. The “c” stands for … CHEESE.


11:17AM  Damn, now I get it. Wow, I should have caught on to that quicker.

11:17AM  Cheesy venue, cheesy Jony video, and now even some cheesy iPhone cases. These guys are marketing geniuses!


11:19AM  Wait —  now there’s one more “one more thing.” The iPhone 5c case actually doubles as a cheese grater.

11:20AM  COOLNESS! We all have a gift under our seat. It’s an iPhone 5c case and a coupon redeemable for a one-pound chunk of Wisconsin cheddar!

11:22AM  Closing the show now. Musical guest. It’s …. HOLY COW, Elvis Costello. Crowd going berserk.

costello11:23AM Thanks for joining me today. This was an amazing event. I’m Roland Greenfellow for Scoopertino. See you at the next show!



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