Mac virus alert! Ballmer Worm spreading like wildfire

Cupertino, CA — Move over, MACDefender. There’s a new virus in town. And this little bugger was spawned in the fiery depths of Redmond.

Apparently, a covert team at Microsoft unleashed the Ballmer Worm in an attempt to wipe that smug “we’re immune to viruses” smile off the face of Mac users — and make Microsoft a few bucks in the process.

Only problem: the coders did about as good a job on the Ballmer Worm as they did with Windows Vista.

More times than not, the Ballmer Worm stalls when attempting to exploit a user’s Mac. That’s because it was designed for the 2003-vintage Internet Explorer 5 for Mac.

When the Ballmer Worm Installer inevitably chokes, Clippy the help icon appears to offer assistance. If Clippy is unable to resolve the problem, he/she/it offers two choices: a home visit by an IT professional or a coupon worth $20 toward the purchase of any Microsoft product.

“We know it’s not the ideal way to infect people’s Macs, but we’re on schedule to deliver a fix in the third quarter of 2012,” says our source inside Microsoft.

When and if the Ballmer Worm ever starts working correctly, users should beware. It’s designed to hijack the user’s Twitter account and post this message:

Really hating my Mac today. Moving to Windows 7 Home Premium™.
Who’s wid me?

To provide maximum choice, Microsoft currently offers Ballmer Worm Home Premium, Ballmer Worm Professional and Ballmer Worm Ultimate.

The 18-step Ballmer Worm QuickStart Guide can be found at


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