Michael Dell joins Apple as Board Jester

Cupertino, CA — In an ironic twist, Dell CEO Michael Dell — who once famously suggested that Apple should be shut down — is now an active figure in the Apple boardroom: dancing, juggling and making mirth.

Mr. Dell has been named to the position of Board Jester at Apple. His responsibilities include providing levity and performing parlor tricks for the board during bathroom breaks.

In a news release, Steve Jobs welcomed his former competitor. “The Apple board is a serious group, making billion-dollar decisions,” said Mr. Jobs. “But we’re people too, and we need a good laugh now and then to let off steam. We’re grateful to have someone of Michael’s caliber to lighten the atmosphere.”

Apple board member Millard Drexler was practically in tears after Michael’s first performance. “He pulls these whimsical devices out of his satchel, like the Dell Streak,” says Drexler, “and he starts explaining how cool a five-inch tablet can be. Five inches! I almost wet my pants.”

“The man is a treasure,” says board member William Campbell. “I asked him to do that ‘shutting-down Apple’ routine, and he actually pulled out a lute and put it to song. He’s priceless.”

Mr. Dell’s contract requires him to attend quarterly Apple Board Meetings, two company events per year and do occasional light cleaning in the executive wing.

Board member Andrea Jung takes a more philosophical view of Apple’s new jester. “Sometimes life can get you down. But when Michael somersaults into the room, the clouds lift. You look at him and realize that things could be so much worse.”

9 Comments

  1. ObamaPacman |

    ROTL, great one as usual!

  2. Patrick |

    So what exactly is Michael’s caliber?

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  4. scooper |

    I want to see him in the next keynote !

  5. HailyRose |

    Michael’s caliber? Five inches.

  6. Lee McLean |

    I’m trying to figure out how anyone will be able to take this article seriously, but I’m sure somebody will manage it. 🙂

    • Meh |

      Done ^

  7. Dan |

    This is total BS!!!! You need to stop wasting everyone’s time with this inaccurate reporting.
    Michael Dell just isn’t that funny. I don’t know who your guys’ sources are, but you need to check your facts better. I seriously doubt that Apple would ever give him that job.

    And anyway, I’m sure the executive wing needs more than just the occasional light cleaning.

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