Houston, TX — Long ago, Steve Jobs expressed the belief that “we’re here to put a dent in the universe.”
Today NASA confirmed the presence of a massive dent, located some 11.5 light years from earth, near a star called Struve 2398.
Through celestial triangulation, it has been determined that the dent was caused by none other than Steve Jobs himself.
“It’s not unprecedented for a single human being to cause this type of dent, it’s just extremely rare,” says NASA scientist Hadley Coleman, citing Ford and Edison as previous dent-makers.
However, this dent appears to be quite unlike any other. Pouring over data received from the Gemini Observatory in Mauna Kea, Hawaii, NASA has discovered five specific effects of the Steve Jobs Dent — so far:
1. Rise of good design. People are beginning to demand it. (Some pockets of resistance do remain, such as Round Rock, TX.)
2. Greater love of simplicity. Complexity is becoming intolerable.
3. More power to the people. We’re using technology to do amazing things — including fighting for our freedom.
4. Revolution addiction. There’s higher anticipation for the next big thing. After music, movies, phones, tablets… what?
5. More technology love. Fewer people feel compelled to throw computers out of windows or stomp on mobile devices.
According to NASA, some dents are modest in size and are only momentary phenomena. The Steve Jobs Dent measures several light-years across.
“The good news is, we’ll be living with this dent for a long, long time,” said Coleman.
Scoopertino is truly saddened by the passing of Steve Jobs. We’re also thankful for the dent he left in the universe. Though he changed our lives in countless ways, we’re pretty sure he isn’t done yet. His ideas will be changing lives for generations to come. Thank you, Steve, for all you’ve done.