Los Angeles, CA — No wonder Arnold Schwarzenegger’s head spins every time he hears the word “dad.”
Arnold’s love-child tally doubled today with the revelation that, in addition to fathering the offspring of a staff member ten years ago, he sired legendary Apple designer Jony Ive in 1966 while competing for the Mr. Universe title in London.
He came in second in that contest, but apparently fared better in other physical activities.
According to sources, Jony’s lineage was an “open secret” within Apple, where he’s been affectionately called The Ivenator for years.
“Jony inherited Arnold’s love of muscle,” says one designer in Ive’s secretive group. “That’s why our earlier laptops were so damn heavy. Jobs wanted thin and light, but Jony always thought beefier was better. He thought we could all use a good workout.”
His secrets now revealed, a noticeably relieved Schwarzenegger met with reporters today.
“Jony’s a great kid,” said Arnold. “I’m so proud when I hear people talking about Jony as the ‘father of the iPhone’ or the ‘father of the iPad.’ That makes me the grandfather.”