Steve Jobs demands annual pay hike to $1.05

Cupertino, CA — A visibly angry Steve Jobs stormed out of Apple’s quarterly board meeting this afternoon after the board got into a heated debate over Steve’s motion to gain a cost-of-living increase. The measure would have boosted his salary from the current one dollar per year to an inflation-adjusted $1.05. “Steve may or may not deserve a raise,” explained Apple board member Andrea Jung, CEO of Avon Products, “it’s the size I find disturbing. It’s far in excess of the 2009 inflation rate.”

Apple’s chief of PR, Katie Cotton, told the other side of the story. “Steve is a working person, just like any of us. He’s got mouths to feed. He’s only asking for a small increase to offset inflation.” According to Goldman Sachs analyst Jeffery Mill, Steve doesn’t really have a leg to stand on here. “The numbers are crystal clear — no inflation in 2009, period.”

Cotton added that Mr. Jobs did not receive a raise in 2009, even though 2008 saw a 3.85% rate of inflation. “He’s actually had to cash in some of his options to buy clothes, and has been forced to stop offering meals and pillows to passengers on his private jet.”


  1. listovArt |

    Hahahaha! You should put his picture on the $1 billion dollar bill cuz that’s what he’s worth 30x over!!!

  2. benny |

    But can he get Flash to work on a iphone… mmmm NOPE

  3. Been Ladin |

    benny boy, he can, but he won’t. Stop chewing your flash, have a nice meal of html5 or I’ll use my iSplode on you, silly boy.

  4. KaianTM |

    Guys! Guys! Steve is only asking a raise because he found a place that makes the amazingly tasteful iWater for his Keynotes, but they are also more expensive because they support MobileMe to include the part of your speech that you forgot during the presentation. All you need to do is drink it!

  5. john |

    He’s got to pay for that transplant somehow.

  6. Emphyrio |

    In this economic climate, it shows incredible insensitivity to the plight of thousands of laid-off workers for Jobs to demand a raise. Think of how many workers that 5 cents could be used to hire or retain!

Leave a Reply