Steve Jobs ninja stars revealed to be iPod prototypes

Cupertino, CA — Well, that’s a relief. It turns out that Steve Jobs isn’t a secret ninja after all.

We now know that those ninja stars found in Steve’s bag at Japan’s Kansai International Airport were actually top-secret Apple prototypes.

Today Apple announced the “dangerously cool” iPod ninja, the last of the new 2010 iPod family. This razor-thin iPod combines the fun of entertainment with the thrill of lethal weaponry. And it’s super-easy to buy.

All you have to do is show a photo ID, fill out a form, then wait three days for approval by the National Criminal Background Check system.

“iPod ninja fits into that sweet spot between the iPod touch and a small handgun,” says Apple spokesperson Ted Wetmore. “It gives you peace of mind. You can either enjoy your music on the device — or you can fling it at anyone who looks at you funny. With a little practice, you can take down a foe at 50 feet.”

iPod ninja gives new meaning to the term "death grip"

However, there is a dark side to the new iPod. As iPod ninja sales boom, some blogs are already reporting a “death grip” problem even worse than the one that plagued iPhone 4. If you hold iPod ninja in a certain way, you may require immediate medical care.

“There is a learning curve,” admits Mr. Berry, “and Apple does recommend the use of a protective case.”

With first-day sales of iPod ninja exceeding estimates, some analysts speculate that Apple is already at work on more weaponized iPods. Next up: iPod taser?


  1. Selis |

    Cutting-edge technology, indeed 🙂

  2. Q |

    Don’t play me, bro!

  3. zbcgs |


  4. karl smith |

    ok im guessing this is a joke lol

  5. LocoCoyote |

    Awesome! You guys (and Gals) take satire to lofty heights!

  6. Ajan |


  7. Patrick |

    I want.

  8. Ananda |

    I want that Dangerously cool I-Pod Ninja.

  9. Robert |

    I would buy one! That is cool

  10. Online Merchant Account |

    Wonder what the skins look like

  11. |

    There’s nothing *secret* about the fact that Steve is a ninja.

    1. Always dresses in black
    2. Invests in ninjutsu technology
    3. Suddenly appears behind disloyal employees and rips out their spines.

  12. Gary |

    When can I place my pre-orders?

    I want to give them as gifts to my business partners; I’ll hand-deliver them on a moonless night.

  13. Cohete |

    Magnifico!!! Quiero 50 unidades, jijijijijiji

  14. Printdevil |

    If Chuck Norris carried ninja stars these would be the ones!

  15. Maarten Mantje |

    this is awsome im gonna buy one 😛

  16. Levi Arnold |

    These would be totally awesome to carry around…no one would try to grab this iPod outta of your hand!

  17. GM |

    The thinnest iPod ever, and another flash device we’re introducing!

  18. Emma |

    I don’t care if it’s imaginary. I freaking want one.

  19. a |

    I would like to build one and sell it online.

  20. Ninja Pod |

    Super BUMP

  21. alsdkjkjfhg |

    iNinja 😀

  22. Dontspamthomas |

    i am thomas.
    this is now real.

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