Steve Jobs ninja stars revealed to be iPod prototypes

Cupertino, CA — Well, that’s a relief. It turns out that Steve Jobs isn’t a secret ninja after all.

We now know that those ninja stars found in Steve’s bag at Japan’s Kansai International Airport were actually top-secret Apple prototypes.

Today Apple announced the “dangerously cool” iPod ninja, the last of the new 2010 iPod family. This razor-thin iPod combines the fun of entertainment with the thrill of lethal weaponry. And it’s super-easy to buy.

All you have to do is show a photo ID, fill out a form, then wait three days for approval by the National Criminal Background Check system.

“iPod ninja fits into that sweet spot between the iPod touch and a small handgun,” says Apple spokesperson Ted Wetmore. “It gives you peace of mind. You can either enjoy your music on the device — or you can fling it at anyone who looks at you funny. With a little practice, you can take down a foe at 50 feet.”

iPod ninja gives new meaning to the term "death grip"

However, there is a dark side to the new iPod. As iPod ninja sales boom, some blogs are already reporting a “death grip” problem even worse than the one that plagued iPhone 4. If you hold iPod ninja in a certain way, you may require immediate medical care.

“There is a learning curve,” admits Mr. Berry, “and Apple does recommend the use of a protective case.”

With first-day sales of iPod ninja exceeding estimates, some analysts speculate that Apple is already at work on more weaponized iPods. Next up: iPod taser?