Cupertino, CA — “You talkin’ to me, muchacho?”
Tim Cook, eager to inspire Apple’s troops as acting CEO, has come out fighting after hearing Steve Ballmer’s latest iPhone trash talk. He’s challenged the Microsoft chief to settle their differences mano a mano — Lucha Libre style.
The battling CEOs will step into the wrestling ring next month at Municipal Auditorium in Tijuana, Mexico.
“I’ve worked with Steve Jobs a long time,” says Cook. “I know the way he works. I’m putting myself out there just like he would.”
“To my knowledge,” says Merrill analyst Greg McCallister, “Steve Jobs has never ventured south of the border to wrestle. Tim Cook may have a few things to learn — and I’m not talking about the Atomic Cannonball Choke-Slam.”
With the match only weeks away, the luchadores are pulling out all the stops to prepare. Steve Ballmer is working with a team of six trainers — the same number that will be required to lift him into the ring. Frighteningly, sources say Ballmer is “bulking up” for the match.
In accordance with Apple philosophy, Cook believes that good design will give him an edge. He’s taken the top designers off the iPad team so they can concentrate on designing a superior costume. He’s also said to be considering a full body wax prior to the match.
Blue Demon, the famed Mexican wrestler, is skeptical of Cook’s strategy. “The costume will give Mr. Cook a temporary advantage, but won’t protect him from a Ballmer pile driver. He’ll be crying for mama.”
The match is set to begin at approximately 8:00 pm on March 19th, immediately following the cockfight.