Apple blasts into supermarkets with revolutionary Apple Water

Cupertino, CA — Step aside, Perrier. Prepare for oblivion, Poland Spring. After steamrolling the music player, smartphone and tablet markets, Apple is out to disrupt a whole new category.

A major ad campaign for Apple Water kicks off today (click to enlarge)

Today Apple announced Apple Water — a cool refreshment made for those willing to suspend all logic and pay the price for Apple’s lavish attention to quality and design.

“If you’ve been drinking the juice, you’re ready to drink the water,” proclaims Apple’s website.

Like iPod, iPhone and iPad, Apple Water is part of a closed ecosystem. By breaking the seal, you accept a User Agreement that prohibits refilling the container with tap water, spring water or any unauthorized third-party water.

Power users can quench their thirst with Apple Water Pro

“We’ve heard people say ‘there must be something in the water over there,'” said Apple spokesperson Lindsay Grebner, “and there is. We’re happy to share our water with fans all over the world.”

Apple Water is indeed an Apple-lover’s dream — pure, clean H2O, captured in Apple-designed containers from the central irrigation spigot at Apple’s corporate headquarters.

AAPL stock soared on the announcement today. Analyst Gene Munster of Piper Jaffray raised his target price to $500, noting the low cost of materials and customers “endless thirst and inscrutable need” for all things Apple. “Apple Water,” says Munster, “is somewhere between tap water and holy water.”

A 16-ounce container of Apple Water retails for $9.99. Apple Water Pro, a five-gallon jug, is only $49.99.


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  4. Félix |

     Linux ROCK’S! Apple Suck’$

  5. Haydon Beagley |

    The thing is: Is iWater Compatible with Apple Kool-Aid!
    Or have they stopped developing Kool-Aid and gone onto iWater??

  6. Mathew Kinetix |

    Don’t jailbreak your water. Mine bricked and now it’s useless.

  7. Reuel Chua |

    I wants iCar.

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  9. Allan |

    Hey if it came in a glass bottle I would get it

  10. Ivan Prince Tuor |

    iOS 5 brings support for more minerals and guarantees there are twice as many hrdrogen atoms as there are oxygen.

  11. Xmcrfan666x |

    Where can I buy Apple Water Pro? And why is it listed under iPhone?

    • Gauravtilokani |

      You can get it at any supermarket in Diagon Alley. It’s listed under iPhone because it’s an iPhone accessory

  12. FPSoft |

    Will it short out my MacBook?

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  14. Ahriman |

    I heard that it won’t be compatible with all drinker’s tastes?

  15. Cambodia Germany Catalina girl |

    Mechanic math teacher school guy from omgele! I want you back 🙁

  16. Blaze |

    In order to get this in your house you have to buy iFaucet. Oh BTW, you’ll need to replace all of your existing faucets with the iFaucet, and replace all your glasses and cups with iGoblets.

  17. Alhakam1978 |

    Next year we will have iwater S with Siri you just say “open the butle Siri ” or “how much water do I have Siri ” but you can’t ask where is the water outside the USA

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  20. Augustine |

    ROFL. I mean, Apple has its merits, but its also true that people tend to overrate its products

  21. Fred |

    And after drinking your fill you can  create iPiss.  Just make sure you don’t violate the copywrite by using 3rd party urinals.

  22. Jukli |

    wait i dont understand this at all. is this jusr regular drinking watewr like what does it do

  23. Gauravtilokani |

    Reports say that iWater 2.0 will upload your waterr to Apple’s iCloud servers so you can easily carry the bottle around and download your water on the go at incredible 4g speeds.

  24. Gauravtilokani |

    Apple is now suing oceans for patent infringement on the H2O molecule.

  25. Gauravtilokani |

    The water doesn’t come out when I hold it in a certain way!

  26. Samantha |

    lol is this real I want some!

  27. Sriks |

    Join today our iPint – a Water Harvester Program: $99 annual
    fee and submit your pint of water for quick distribution.  This will be sold only via iTunes, starting at
    $0.99, members gets 0.60 cents per refill, Apple drinks the rest. , Refills
    have to be approved by Apple Testing group, we approve H2O only, Apple juice or
    any other form for juice is not permitted.

  28. Jasper Davidoff |

    Be sure to get refill insurance. 

    “My Apple Water is empty.”
    “That’s because you drank it.”

  29. Emiliya Veitch |

    I heard that Steve Jobs is working on a new technology now – iGhost 

  30. Guest |

    where can I buy it?

  31. Odrobster |

    iWater sounds better:)

  32. ALSS |

    ‘By breaking the seal, you accept a User Agreement that prohibits refilling the container with tap water, spring water or any unauthorized third-party water.”

  33. Bugra Pullu |

    Water or iWater? I think it is fake

  34. Yieebo |

    Microsoft bottled water,

    made of only the cheapest toxic plastics.

    clumsy designed bottle which slips out of the hands

    and is not only just plain tap water but is infused with the new “depopulationizer” eugenics enzymes. 

    you remember ZOON don’t you? didn’t think so, well their bottled water is dubbed, Skankus Demure. 

  35. BRYANHEARN696 |

    This…….will be apple’s first of many FLOPS!!! 

  36. Iefjiejeij |

    how cool will it be if they made their own apples =)

  37. peva |

    Very nice…. and where is the real ?:-)

  38. Guest |


  39. Phillip |

    I heard the next generation of Apple Water will feature 4G LTE, for water flow up to 10x faster than traditional water bottles.

  40. Royjlr |

    But is this a natural or chemical water ? 

  41. Sharifyousri |

    Guys, is this for real?

    • Ellyshelper |

      Which part of “fabricated information” don’t you get? Anyway, just see the inconsistency of the posts here (a.k.a. “customer replies”)…

  42. Googleimagesearch |

    The image is stolen.  What is worse.  This shitty site put their tag on the
    You guys are no better then Ebaumsworld.

    • scoopertino |

      Can’t quite understand your comment. But this article is 100% Scoopertino, and the image is hand-crafted by Scoopertino artisans using 100% purchased stock art.

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  44. Kevin Lane |

    I have issues with my Apple Water. Half the time, when I tried to turn the QuarterTwist cap, it didn’t move at all. I contacted Apple support and sent my Water to them for repair. 11 months later I got it back, but it still had the same problem! I sent it back a second time, and after another few months they sent me a replacement, but now when I turn the QuarterTwist cap, nothing happens at all. I’ve turned it all the way round like five times and it doesn’t seem to do anything. Anyone else having the same issue?

  45. Amba |

    Patented left side twisting

  46. Pingback: If Apple made water... - MAKE IT SOUND!!!

  47. Arun Mathai Abraham |

    wat kind of company r u..?? get ready to get sued by everyone nd even by god…. i suggest u stop this madness nd stop suing Samsung…..

  48. Pingback: Visto nel Web – 43 « Ok, panico

  49. cat b. |

    this just reminds me of men selling water near the highway exits when times get rough…lol!

  50. Mayooresan |

    And everytime you drink iWater, it’ll be synced to your FB timeline. Let the world know that you drink premium water with style.

    I love trolling apple <3

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