Apple blinks: New iPad XL to offer Flash capability

Cupertino, CA — Apple effectively raised the white flag in its war against Adobe today, announcing iPad XL — a new iPad specially designed to run Adobe’s Flash software.

Steve Jobs explained the turnaround at this morning’s press conference. “When I wrote that Thoughts On Flash thing, I was clear about our objections to Flash. At the end of the day, it’s just a battery hog. But as our customers well know, we care what they think. If Flash is what they want, that’s what we’re going to give them. Adobe couldn’t overcome the obstacles with Flash, so we went out and found a partner who could.”

The iPad XL combines the power of iPad with the power you need to run Flash (click to enlarge)

That partner is Honda. Their engineering team has invented a mobile power generator that, according to Apple’s press release, “integrates perfectly with iPad in form and function.”

Just insert iPad into the XL’s side-mounted socket. The diesel-powered generator starts up automatically, providing ample power to run Flash-dependent websites for up to 22.5 hours on a single tank.

“Honda has engineered the hell out of this thing,” added Jobs, “This is the world’s quietest combustion engine — only 96 decibels. The revolutionary iPad XL gives you all the magic of iPad, and makes it possible to run the flashiest and most tasteless Flash sites on earth.”

iPad XL’s unique swiveled handle and wheels make portability a breeze, so it can be moved as easily as a picnic cooler or Sears tool chest.

Apple promises an accessory kit in the fall providing a flexible hose for venting exhaust fumes to any window within 20 feet, making it feasible to use iPad XL in meeting rooms and board rooms.

Can iPhone XL be far behind? Sources say that a scaled back version of the iPad XL, perhaps only half the size, is already being tested in the wild. Keep an eye out for an iPhone in one very large disguising case.