Apple blinks: New iPad XL to offer Flash capability

Cupertino, CA — Apple effectively raised the white flag in its war against Adobe today, announcing iPad XL — a new iPad specially designed to run Adobe’s Flash software.

Steve Jobs explained the turnaround at this morning’s press conference. “When I wrote that Thoughts On Flash thing, I was clear about our objections to Flash. At the end of the day, it’s just a battery hog. But as our customers well know, we care what they think. If Flash is what they want, that’s what we’re going to give them. Adobe couldn’t overcome the obstacles with Flash, so we went out and found a partner who could.”

The iPad XL combines the power of iPad with the power you need to run Flash (click to enlarge)

That partner is Honda. Their engineering team has invented a mobile power generator that, according to Apple’s press release, “integrates perfectly with iPad in form and function.”

Just insert iPad into the XL’s side-mounted socket. The diesel-powered generator starts up automatically, providing ample power to run Flash-dependent websites for up to 22.5 hours on a single tank.

“Honda has engineered the hell out of this thing,” added Jobs, “This is the world’s quietest combustion engine — only 96 decibels. The revolutionary iPad XL gives you all the magic of iPad, and makes it possible to run the flashiest and most tasteless Flash sites on earth.”

iPad XL’s unique swiveled handle and wheels make portability a breeze, so it can be moved as easily as a picnic cooler or Sears tool chest.

Apple promises an accessory kit in the fall providing a flexible hose for venting exhaust fumes to any window within 20 feet, making it feasible to use iPad XL in meeting rooms and board rooms.

Can iPhone XL be far behind? Sources say that a scaled back version of the iPad XL, perhaps only half the size, is already being tested in the wild. Keep an eye out for an iPhone in one very large disguising case.

55 Comments

  1. Patrick |

    At first I was skeptical, but on reading that the Honda unit started automatically (!) when the iPod was attached, I knew that that was a touch only Steve Jobs could have come up with. Magic.

    Also, the exhaust fumes are not a bug, they are a feature. You can use the fumes to let people know you have an iPad, to disable or sicken unliked co-workers, or to cut down on glare on the iPad itself.

  2. Markus Unread |

    My Honda Inverter tri-fuel generator has been running Linux for 3 years now.

  3. Flash Gordon |

    This kind of tastless Add convinced mi finally to switch back from Applte to PC.

    I dont want to see this ugly megalomaniac face of mr Jobbs again. You fu..ing vision is not mine!!! Who gives Apple the right to tell what is tastless and what is not?

  4. MAFRI |

    Hell ya,
    Apple you made it 😀
    This days even Google is less evil than Apple…

  5. The REAL Flash Gordon |

    Have fun on your PC, fake Flash Gordon. Jobs isn’t ugly, nor a megalomaniac. He has his point of view, for the company he directs, you have yours.

    It is not about taste, I guess you haven’t read what he wrote (http://www.apple.com/hotnews/thoughts-on-flash/).

  6. Elias |

    I think the whole thing with flash went to far!
    Apple is only for browsing and for Adobe Suites. Thank god that the whole think is going to web.
    How would you think if Adobe retires MAC OS support, for all products. Mac OS X Dies…

    PS: Also thank Google that made a descent browser for mac

  7. Smith-Dewey |

    Jobs is spot on with his Flash thoughts.
    I put a flash blocker on Safari and was surprised at how little “real” content is in Flash — mostly ads and videos (and no one argues that there are better, faster, more efficient ways to present videos than Flash).

    THis article is a hoot — sent it to several friends already!

  8. em |

    is this for serious? what about if i want to see flash in a coffee shop? I need to bring this thing with me too??

  9. Rick |

    Flash sucks.

  10. Mark Lillywhite |

    You know it’s funny when nobody seems to get it. Brilliant!

    • Ava |

      Explain

  11. Freelance Web Designer Evan Skuthorpe |

    The irony is that you don’t need any power to run flash but apple on the other hand…

  12. Troy Best |

    Sure, i don’t have a problem lugging that around in principle, but what are the environmental concerns relating to the combustion engine. The small engines like these are way more pollutant spouting than most cars. Of course I want one though… apple and honda c’mon!

  13. Walter Kozlov |

    http://www.adobe.com/choice/

    Adobe is absolutely right! Apple has a choice – say no to Flash

  14. cy-man |

    runtime? 24h ++ 😉 that rocks!

  15. People |

    Come on? There is no way that your sarcasm-detector is shoved that deep in Jobs’ ass…there are actually people who think this is a real thing…

  16. Jack In The Box |

    ITS NOT REAL YOU DUMBOS

  17. john |

    Could somebody learn to use spell check, fer Christ’s sake?

  18. Pineapple |

    Apple iDiesel engine… I already want to install it in my Nissan Qashqai!

  19. Flo |

    Just a awesome idea!

  20. albie |

    Funny article, but we all know that Apple products not having Flash is all due to Steve’s greed — Apple has gone to the dark side

  21. Armando |

    Hmmm. The big question is. How much is this gonna cost?

  22. A. Fanboi |

    This is obviously not real. Jobs would never have allowed red on there, black or white only.

  23. AHI |

    That’s too bulky for my Honda car..lol

    you guys are crazy, this is not real!!

  24. Online Merchant Account |

    Fake! Jobs refuses to work with any company but apple

    • Nathan |

      Twitter is now in iOS 5.

  25. Nut |

    Nuts!

  26. http://www.budcolemanmotors.co |

    When is it out?

  27. Junkydog |

    Thanks for nothing! Idiots! Just make Flash work like WINDOWS computers ALREADY DO and let US worry about re-charging our stupid batteries! No need for stupid articles like this! Just pisses us off! Narcissist.

    • Anonymous |

      Hey Junkydog: I have an life-changing article for you to read. Trust me, it will help eliminate a lot of your problems: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor

    • Legendfan003 |

      Hey, you do realize this is a joke article, right? Even if it was real, id go out and buy on right fuc*in now.

  28. Chris |

    Flash is just another App that Apple blocked from iOS for anti competitive reasons.

    That’s cool they found a way to fit this generator into all the new Android phones though. 🙂

  29. Chris |

    Flash is just another App that Apple blocked from iOS for anti competitive reasons.

    That’s cool they found a way to fit this generator into all the new Android phones though. 🙂

  30. Tomas Sancio |

    Does it require iTools?

  31. Pingback: Tomoko Tokuda : テスト投稿です。Test

  32. Ryan Villanueva |

    Finally I will be able to play all my stupid Facebook games on my iPad in the toilet. Oh wait.

  33. Greg Louis |

    OMG, this is my first time on this site. Honda…  ROFLMAO  That’s fucking crazy!!!11

  34. Roaming El Salvador |

    I can’t wait to see the cases and accessories hehe

  35. iMac |

    I want to know how much RAM is in that think

  36. Guest |

    can i jailbreak it?

  37. Pingback: If iPad Supported Flash, How Would it Look Like? | iPhoneRoot.com

  38. Mistersayshello |

    FAAKKKEEEE

  39. Mistersayshello |

    FAAKKKEEEE

  40. Pingback: Apple launches Prototype Store[HUMOR] | Greeky Blog

  41. BANG725 |

    iThink iWould rather a HumancentiPad

  42. Neil Banerjee |

    whoa. what an ipad huh?

  43. Pingback: If iPad Supported Flash, How Would it Look Like? | iPhoneRoot.com

  44. Neil Banerjee |

    Do we need iFuel (sold separtely)?

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