Cupertino, CA — Signaling a growing intolerance for deliberate leaks and fumbled prototypes, Apple today announced a major re-shuffling in its Board of Directors. In effect, it’s an ex-VP switcheroo.
Al Gore, champion of the environment, has been sent packing. Dick Cheney, champion of the dark side, takes Gore’s seat at the table.
At a press conference announcing the switch, a glowing Steve Jobs personally introduced Cheney as “the right man at the right time.” The ex-Veep will not only sit on the board, he will serve as Chief of Macland Security.
“Everyone knows we’ve had some security issues recently,” said Steve, “well, we’re not going to have these issues anymore. Dick has a track record with this sort of thing. We just want him to be himself.”
Cheney seemed at home in his new role. “Apple thrives on innovation. I’m looking forward to implementing some innovative security measures,” he said with a wink.
During the Q&A following the press conference, Cheney was asked how he might have handled the recent iPhone prototype fiasco. “I don’t like to second-guess others, but — I might have questioned the subjects differently, there might have been a hunting accident, that sort of thing.”
Steve Jobs summed it all up as the news conference ended. “I’m expecting big things from Dick Cheney, and I’m disavowing any knowledge of them upfront.”
Cheney begins work from his dark chamber immediately.