Apple introduces iHand: the right way to hold your iPhone

Cupertino, CA — Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for iPhone. Literally.

Responding to complaints that the new iPhone 4 loses signal when held by a human hand, Apple today launched iHand — a synthetic appendage that makes it easy for anyone to “get a grip” on iPhone and remain connected.

iHand is so easy to use, it doesn’t require a manual. Simply insert iPhone 4 into iHand’s adjustable fingers, raise it to your ear and start talking. With iHand, you get all the functionality of the human hand, without the signal-sucking biology that encumbers most iPhone owners.

“If you’re serious about using iPhone, there’s a right way and wrong way to hold it,” Apple explains in its press release. “iHand guarantees the proper grip first time, every time.”

Featuring Apple’s unibody design, iHand is precision-carved from a single piece of European beechwood. So it’s lighter than a standard medical prosthesis, yet 12x stronger. You can grip iHand either of two ways: by placing your fingers around its palm, or by grasping the aluminized Extender that telescopes from the wrist socket.

iHand's built-in Extender provides the perfect reach

The Extender adds up to 24 inches of reach, allowing the user’s biological hand to be positioned anywhere between ear and waist for maximum comfort. You can even use the Extender to hold your iPhone up to a friend’s or colleague’s ear.

iHand is available through the Apple Store for $69, and comes in ten popular pigmentations. Third-party “skins” for iHand offering additional colorings, beauty marks, scars and a “hairy hand” option will be available by the end of July.

  • Anonymous

    Ha! Types of hands, “iHand Kermit”

  • Nimrod

    I bought two; one for my iPhone and one for my balls.

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  • guest

    I won’t carry that on the street !! it look horrible !!

  • Asdfiuz

    This article is worthless. No mention about connectivity problems when holding the Extender just an inch or two below the iHand at all.
    This site is biased; perhaps they’re paid by Apple, perhaps this “news” website is just advertisement!

  • Carrietweetz

    such an awesome idea only now iv seen it damn! i must have the indian hand!! XD

  • Reneebri50


  • MoonShinez_7

    hand kermit LOL 

  • Chris

    An iPhone isn’t the only thing that would fit in there :)

  • ron

    you could’ve gone like..

    iLove how people…

  • Maharshi Bhattacharya

    just after they release the iPick for picking our nose!! XD

  • Maharshi Bhattacharya

    no he dosent!! 😛

  • TheAppleFanGirl

    Oh my god, this is perfect!

  • Baubau

    This is stupidity… why should I buy such the iHand?? I prefer to loose signal, rather than holding that stick… and I did not see this device in any store! This is not true… otherwise it should have been presented by Apple!

  • Barthalomew8

    You couldn’t have looked too hard. My Apple Store had plenty in stock. And keep an open mind about the stick. It took a little getting used to, but now I can’t imagine being without it.

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  • iBubble

    I love how people don’t realize this is a joke 😀

  • Ponyprincess913

    They’re kidding, right????

  • Reez

    Where are iHand Iron Man?

  • iFriend

    Or you know, iBluetooth?

  • Caleb Gale

    its so gay

  • Caleb Gale

    hi taylor

  • Guest

    wen are they making the i blow job

  • Guest

    i want they i blow job i take 2

  • Shoaib Musse


  • Shoaib Musse

    iThink you look very stupid

  • BANG725

     *iBall out now

  • Locktie

    where is my iGlove .. need one like the Michael Jackson.

  • Ben Vangenechten

    I know this is fake but did they really said you need to hold your iPhone in such a retarded way? Cant Apple noet fail in something for a time?

  • Truthifier

    Have you looked at the company’s value lately? Good lord, they’re just failing all over the place, aren’t they.

  • Ben Vangenechten

    Only because they have such a loyal fanbase and sell their products for a way to high price and because they get money for basic smartphone stuff like rounded edges and the looks of their icons. The iPhone breaks when you drop it ONCE; you need to hold your phone in a awkward way. Shure their OS is simple but its just a list of apps, how can you go wrong with that? Their last generation of everything is just a smaller updated version of the previous one. And look at siry, why the Fuck isnt that thing available on the iPhone 4? Yeah, because that would make both of them the same and nobody would sleep infront of the freaking appstore.

  • Truthifier

    It’s tough being an Apple-hater these days. It was easy to take potshots at a dying company, but when it becomes the most successful company on earth, that requires some serious rationalization. I think you can do better than “rounded corners.” How about mass-hypnosis? Mass-stupidity? Apple has now sold over 316 million iOS devices. Look around you. Those aren’t just fanboys using them. They’re pre-schoolers and grandmas, lawyers and doctors, students and teachers. One day you may have to come to grips with the fact that these people may not be buying Apple because they’re easily fooled, or not as smart as you. Maybe … possibly … there’s an outside chance … people may be buying Apple products because they actually like them? And then they like the experience so much, they recommend to others? Nah.

  • Truthifier

    And gee, look at this. J.D. Powers just ranked iPhone #1 in Smartphone Customer Satisfaction for the eighth time in a row ( More mindless customers, I suppose, mistakenly believing that they’re actually happy with their iPhones. (And being happy at a higher rate than the owners of competing phones.)

  • Pilgrim

    Do you have the model with the head cavity for the iFrenchToast replica?

  • Gopi

    I bought one and I was happy for 6 months. After that everytime I want to push call button it is opening porn site in safari. Is there any fix for this?

  • James L. Jucutan

    iWant this!

  • Neil Banerjee

    That is obvious

  • Alexander Nielsen

    “… first time, every time” actually comes from BIC.

  • Niqua

    i cant even tell if its real or fake – what with people saying they bought them. i have everything crossed that this is a dumb story but i will admit – its very well-written, amusing and these are some of the funniest comments i’ve seen on a story in a loooooooong time :) made me laugh

  • Aistano

    Im officially inviting you to argue with my iHand.

  • I’mNotLyingToYouSiri-ously

    Yeah, I agree with Barthalomew8, the apple store near my place has a shitload of them, I think you haven’t checked recently, they may have brought some into your area.

  • ThePC007

    Can I jailbreak it?

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