Apple introduces iHand: the right way to hold your iPhone

Cupertino, CA — Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for iPhone. Literally.

Responding to complaints that the new iPhone 4 loses signal when held by a human hand, Apple today launched iHand — a synthetic appendage that makes it easy for anyone to “get a grip” on iPhone and remain connected.

iHand is so easy to use, it doesn’t require a manual. Simply insert iPhone 4 into iHand’s adjustable fingers, raise it to your ear and start talking. With iHand, you get all the functionality of the human hand, without the signal-sucking biology that encumbers most iPhone owners.

“If you’re serious about using iPhone, there’s a right way and wrong way to hold it,” Apple explains in its press release. “iHand guarantees the proper grip first time, every time.”

Featuring Apple’s unibody design, iHand is precision-carved from a single piece of European beechwood. So it’s lighter than a standard medical prosthesis, yet 12x stronger. You can grip iHand either of two ways: by placing your fingers around its palm, or by grasping the aluminized Extender that telescopes from the wrist socket.

iHand's built-in Extender provides the perfect reach

The Extender adds up to 24 inches of reach, allowing the user’s biological hand to be positioned anywhere between ear and waist for maximum comfort. You can even use the Extender to hold your iPhone up to a friend’s or colleague’s ear.

iHand is available through the Apple Store for $69, and comes in ten popular pigmentations. Third-party “skins” for iHand offering additional colorings, beauty marks, scars and a “hairy hand” option will be available by the end of July.