Jony Ive receives Her Majesty’s Razor of the Realm award

London, U.K. — Being knighted was just the warmup act.

Just days after becoming Sir Jonathan Ive, Apple’s chief of design received an even higher honor from Queen Elizabeth II herself.

Ive becomes only the second civilian in British history to receive the Razor of the Realm — created jointly by the British Royal Family and Gillette.

The Razor is bestowed upon Ive in acknowledgment of his ability to maintain his beard stubble at precisely .97 millimeter for 25 consecutive years.

As she was giving the award to Sir Jony, the Queen expressed regret that in her 60 years on the throne, she was unable to produce stubble of any length, other than a small area just above her upper lip.

Now that he possesses the Razor of the Realm, it is expected that Ive will enter into licensing agreements with leading grooming aid manufacturers. Braun is a likely candidate, given its high design standards, making it likely that an Ive-endorsed iStubble trimmer will land on the shelves in time for the holidays.

And of course such a move would be a stepping stone to other male hygiene and grooming deals. The word on the street is that Sir Jony has already inked a deal with Faberge to put his name on a killer scent for men with a sense of design. Working name: Poison Ive.


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